Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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