what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
