Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
