I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
