Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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