i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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