drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
