At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think my vagina is haunted
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
