Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
