worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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