it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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