Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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