official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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