I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
my liver is dry heaving
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
