Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
