Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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