At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
