Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
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please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
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I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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