I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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