I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
