I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
