I wish my penis had an off switch
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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