ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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