turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
