You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
