dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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