I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
ugly people sure do ruin things
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I need moral support for this bender
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
