onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
