So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
