I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
