You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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