note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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