So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
