your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He had one of those small greek statue penises
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
