you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
