i wish starbucks made bloody marys
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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