I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
