dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
