i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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