she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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