Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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