Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
