Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
