Texts From Last Night

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  (804): View more from Virginia

  omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.

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  (804): omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh. (804): He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis. http://tfl.nu/8njp
  Replies (8) Good night (967) Bad night (2759)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.

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  (614): Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world. http://tfl.nu/u33z
  Replies (15) Good night (1053) Bad night (2277)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?

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  (502): It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it? http://tfl.nu/bh2w
  Replies (13) Good night (659) Bad night (4391)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5

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  (352): I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5 http://tfl.nu/tk6f
  Replies (51) Good night (5798) Bad night (861)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!

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  (414): I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name! http://tfl.nu/m6pe
  Replies (22) Good night (6158) Bad night (822)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night

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  (803): Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night http://tfl.nu/ewza
  Replies (9) Good night (1275) Bad night (6485)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.

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  (253): once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced. http://tfl.nu/7kbq
  Replies (38) Good night (3637) Bad night (2294)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head

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  (619): Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head http://tfl.nu/u456
  Replies (3) Good night (1403) Bad night (761)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.

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  (201): I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world. (540): I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him. http://tfl.nu/0ulc
  Replies (6) Good night (801) Bad night (1757)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song

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  (+44): He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song http://tfl.nu/ouwi
  Replies (4) Good night (1803) Bad night (565)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"

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  (847): Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!" http://tfl.nu/mldx
  Replies (5) Good night (2504) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.

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  (425): Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible. http://tfl.nu/qw88
  Replies (4) Good night (1179) Bad night (726)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use

  (716): View more from New York

  how?

  (585): View more from New York

  not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days

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  (585): just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use (716): how? (585): not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days http://tfl.nu/m616
  Replies (13) Good night (2137) Bad night (642)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting

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  (707): Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting http://tfl.nu/qvl5
  Replies (0) Good night (585) Bad night (347)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.

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  (515): Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real. http://tfl.nu/tgug
  Replies (0) Good night (541) Bad night (192)

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