I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"