the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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