no. you can't hotbox the world.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
