He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
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i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
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I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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