I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Two words: blizzard sex
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
