Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
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This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
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I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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