sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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