This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
