My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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