I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
