sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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