Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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