Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize
