i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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