every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
