Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
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Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
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i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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