just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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