do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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