I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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