one might say we're banned from that church
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
