god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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