Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
