i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
