I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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