Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
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Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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