He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
