Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
