Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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