Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
