You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
